The Dead Boyfriends Club

Since we have established that a certain early-American author is not on the list for admittance into the Dead Boyfriends Club, let's talk about who made the cut and what it means to be in the club, shall we?

See, there are certain "hotties in history©" (yeah, I copyrighted that phrase so back off) that have won a place in my heart. And since they are dead, I am free to call them my boyfriends since they won't really be able to complain too much one way or the other....though I suppose they could haunt me till I stopped calling them my boyfriends but since none of them have done that, I assume they are all a-okay with making the list. And really, why shouldn't they be? After all, there's enough of me (and my bosoms) to go around.

So here's the list.

Geoffrey Chaucer - This strapping young buck had me at "Whan that Aprill with his shoures soote..."

I met Geoff (yeah, I'm totally allowed to call him that - he likes it) in my junior year of college. Having decided that Old English was a bit too much like learning German, and not being very fond of lederhosen, I switched tracks and moved into studying Middle English, which is kind of like reading garbled French intermixed with very badly misspelled English. And since all the people who spoke Middle English are dead, it's kinda a crap shoot as to how to pronounce anything....just enough chaos to make it fun.

Anyway, I fell hard for Chaucer and the flame still burns bright...nothing puts me in the mood better than a few pages of Canterbury Tales (in it's Middle English form, of course - translations are for wussys). If you think I'm kidding, just try reading me a few lines of the General Prologue in Middle English and see what happens...trust me, you won't be complaining (but you may need a cigarette or 10....)

Thomas Jefferson - Nothing like a little "jungle fever" to get me all hot and bothered....

But seriously, have you people checked out the nickel lately? Jefferson was H-O-T! And he designed his own very rad house, wrote some important documents early on in the country's founding....The Declaration of Independence, you may have heard of it? Yeah, he's so on the list. He's one dead president that I am all about supporting....or just making out with, whatever...

Nick Drake - Oh how I love tragic romantics.

Nick Drake was this singer, songwriter in the 70s, right. And he killed himself for some tragic reason...depression or something of the like. And really, I've seen pictures of him...he ain't the most handsome man to ever walk in or out of my life....but his songs....oh, he gets right into the club just due to the music. His songs are like crack for me...cannot get enough.

And finally, Chris Farley. Yeah, you heard me.

Anyone that can make me laugh as hard and as often as Chris Farley is okay by me. More than okay, actually. And yes, Mr. Farley was a bit rotund...maybe not the most handsome man ever....but I would be too busy laughing at him to care about the fact that if we ever shared a bed, he could crush me in my sleep. His defining moment? The SNL skit he did with Patrick Swayzee where they auditioned for Chippendales....classic...I still giggle about that to this day....

So that's the club...it's a small group - admittance ain't easy. But it's worth it. Trust me, totally worth it....