laugh out loud

laugh out loud

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The New Site

Okay, everyone. Brace yourselves. As of today, this blog is moving! From here on out, you can find me and my neuroses over at:

Now, that site is not 100% perfect - I am still touching things up and getting the posts from this and the old blog on there. But as of now, I will not be updating this blog so for my further escapades, or to visit my past adventures, you will need to go to the new site. I am pretty excited about the move and way happy to have a bit more freedom than Blogger allows.
Also, for those of you here in Utah that have expressed sadness at not having a goodbye party, I feel your pain...unfortunately, my life has gotten a bit crazy as of late and before I knew it, it was time to go. So I am sorry we couldn't have one last party to remember, but it DOES give all of you a valid reason to come to Virginia!!!!

Friday, July 14, 2006

Thank You!

Thanks to the friends and family that have been absolutely amazing and wonderful to me the past few days - your thoughts and actions have been greatly appreciated!

Just a quick note that the blog may go on a small hiatus here as I get ready to depart. I always say that, then end up posting anyway, but I may really be too busy in the next few days to say much, so fair warning! Also, changes are afoot here. You'll remember that I told you many moons ago about having my own website, etc. I am currently working on that and hope to launch a new and improved blog, which will combine all my posts from this and the old blog in one snazzy location - stay tuned for details!

Okay, peace out kids!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Communists In Pink Taffeta Dresses

Every time something big is about to occur in my life, I have this nasty habit of obsessing over what will happen if the apocalypse hits before that big event. I like to blame this, in part, on my religious upbringing because, really, what impressionable child needs to be learning about Revelations (the book in the Bible) or any of the Old Testament, for that matter? And yes, I realize that Revelations is not in the Old Testament but I've always felt that the book of Revelations was God's way of saying, "So, you think I'm all nice and cuddly now that I sent my son down there to die, do you? I can still smite you!" So yeah, my morbid apocalyptic thoughts are partly the fault of my churchy tendencies, instilled within me at a tender age, and also a result of my natural pessimism. I'm not big on hope or faith but if you are ever looking for someone with a more cynical view on life than yourself, feel free to drop me a line...if we all haven't died by then in the infernal Armageddon that's headed our way.

I think another part of my Apocalypse Complex stems from the atmosphere of my younger years. Remember the Cold War? Remember worrying that Reagan and Gorbachev were just an argument away from dropping nukes on each others' countries, thus obliterating all mankind? Nuclear winter, that was the stuff of my childhood apocalyptic worries. I have a very distinct memory of being in first grade, my teacher holding a globe, pointing to the USSR and referring to it as "the Evil Empire" - this was the same teacher that made us pray before lunch, further reinforcing the link between God and total destruction in my young mind. But the thing about this imminent and constantly impending death by nukes was that it would be over in an instant. Unless, of course, you were one of the unlucky ones left alive to mutate a third arm off your forehead and fight with cockroaches the size of Roseanne Barr for scraps of edible trash. Yuck. When I wasn't praying to God to let me live to go to Prom, I was asking him to make sure I died quickly when the nukes came so that I didn't have to see larger than life cockroaches - because my little mind just could not wrap itself around that image...and we all wonder why I have trouble sleeping even now....

But it's true - I used to sincerely ask God to let me at least live till Prom. And, if He was feeling especially generous, till I got married, but I'd settle for Prom. And I wanted to wear my mother's pink taffeta dress with the poofy sleeves to Prom. Circa 1983, it was the most beautiful dress I had ever seen. By the time I was old enough to go to Prom, I would have rather been killed by nukes or even the human cockroaches than wear that thing. In college, I finally donned the pink monstrosity for a sorority mixer. The theme? "White Trash Wedding" and I won a prize for my get-up.

I digress. The point I am taking forever to get at is that I am super-psyched for law school but half-convinced that Armageddon (and not the Ben Affleck, Aerosmith kind) is going to hit sometime in the next three weeks, preventing me from ever actually experiencing this event that I have been building up to for the past 2 years. And Armageddon is a lot more frightening to contemplate nowadays than it was in my youth. Back in the day, I couldn't imagine anything worse than a communist with a nuclear weapon. Now that I'm practically one myself (not really, I'm just disenfranchised), they don't seem as scary. Especially when you compare the commies to the terrorists. All of a sudden, I miss the nukes with their quick-death guarantee.

But mostly, I just hope I make it to, and even better, through law school before thew world ends. That's really all I want. Marriage might be nice but I'll settle for law school.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

France, Italy, And Some Raunchy Lingerie

This was a busy weekend for me. We'll start with today (Sunday) and work our way backward, okay? I rushed home from church today so I could catch the final game of the World Cup. My heart belonged to France in this match-up, for obvious reasons (that whole I-speak-your-language-lived-in-your-country thing) and because I had an enormous crush on this man right here:

This is Zizou, or Zinedine Zidane, the captain of the French team and my soccer boyfriend since I watched him win the World Cup for France against Brazil back in 1998. I was actually in France, totally as a coincidence in 1998, during the final game that year - the cool thing? If you remember, France hosted the games that year - it was the biggest party I have ever witnessed when France won that game - I loved it. In 2002, I was finishing up my stay in France at the same time as the World Cup but France didn't really do much that round. So this time, I was pretty damn excited to see France in the final game. I like soccer - I played it while I lived over in Europe and it's a great game in my book. And I love watching people like Zidane, who actually know how to play the game and run towards the ball instead of away from it, which is my tactic when playing. Before today, Zidane was my hero. He is a French celebrity of sorts and I remember being so taken by the fact that he was a quiet, well-spoken family man.

But today, Zidane killed that wholesome image in my mind when he inexplicably head-butted another player and was thrown out of the game during the first overtime. France went on to lose and you know what? If that's how the captain is going to act, then the team doesn't deserve to win. It kills me to say that because I really wanted them to win - I sat there with the group at my house, most of whom were already rooting for Italy (my roomie is Italian), and we all looked at the TV in shock, not quite sure we were really seeing this icon behave so badly. It was heartbreaking.

So that was today. Friday, I had a bachelorette party to attend for my good friend, G-Unit (her choice of nickname, not mine). G-Unit is a wild and crazy girl so we decided to throw her a wild and crazy party, complete with raunchy lingerie and a strip-tease finale. But here's the catch. I kinda, sorta forgot to get my gift until 11pm the night before the party which was to start right after work on Friday. So I needed to get some naughty night-time tid-bits and being the resourceful girl I am, I figured I'd run to an all-night sex shop, along the lines of Doctor John's, since that's the only 24-hour adult store I know of around here.

The only problem? Doctor John's is NOT a smutty store. I was seriously disappointed and relieved at the same time. KT, the roomie, was along with me and so, for her sake, I was glad to see that Doctor John's is little more than a store that sells cheap lingerie but I was a little bitter to find that an all-night store which purports to be risque actually offers little to nothing in the embarrassing sex gift category. Eventually, I managed to find something randy enough to turn G-Unit a bright shade of red when she opened the gift. I mean, really, what is the point of a bachelorette party, if not to embarrass the bride-to-be?

Now as for the strip-tease, we didn't hire anyone for that. Rather, we rented Carmen Electra's Aerobic Strip-tease and did it ourselves. And I have to say, I thought it was a great work out and a helluva lot of fun. I enjoyed it so much that I bought the DVDs for myself off of Amazon. Hey, if I'm gonna work-out, I might as well enjoy it and I might as well learn some skills that may come in handy later on, right? I think of it as the work-out that keeps giving.

So that was my weekend. Hope y'all had a good one too!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Rethinking The Whole Utah-Bashing....

So, I was thinking about how I have a tendency to say semi-unkind things about Utah here on the blog....well, okay, I flat-out bash this place every chance I get, I'll admit it. My last post may not have been the nicest post about Utah but, in my defense, I don't like any stretch of land without a mall just so happens that because I live here, instead of Montana, I am familiar with the desolate landscape of southern I-15. But there is more to this post than a silly excuse for my Children of the Corn comment.

Here's the thing. This weekend, my dad and I went up to Snowbird and took the tram there up to Hidden Peak or whatever the name of that mountain is. So we're up there, joking around and making fun of everyone around us when I find myself looking at the view of the Salt Lake Valley and realize, "Wow...this is really breathtaking!" And it was. Absolutely stunning. Utah is, in fact, one of the more scenic places I have lived, in terms of natural wonders (this isn't saying a lot when you think about the fact that I was previously living in Ohio...not a lot there besides the cows...). But in all seriousness, I do like living here. It is beautiful and the Mormons aren't all that bad, I suppose.

But here's where my beef with my experience out here lies. I think the reason I tend to be rather unkind about this fine state is that I have been less than impressed with certain aspects of the culture out here. I'm fine with the abundance of religion surrounding me because when or if I get sick of that, I can just tune it out by singing curse words to myself or whatever. But I have a real hard time getting beyond the enormous amount of a-holes that seem to make up the male population out here. As dating is something I enjoy and something that I expected very much to continue enjoying out here, I have been alternately dismayed or plain disgusted with the absolute lack of dating out here. And sadly, I have let my frustration with that one aspect of life out here taint my view of the entire Utah experience.

Now you can chide me if you want but I'll probably ignore you. As it is, I admit that I haven't given Utah a fair shake. A few bad apples (all of which we'll assume have itsy-bitsy penises - because that's what makes 'em bad) shouldn't influence my overall view of Utah and so, in the almost 2 weeks I have left out here, I promise to try to not dog the state too badly.

Monday, July 03, 2006

You Can Quote Me On That

I am in the midst of enjoying a fabulous 4 day weekend, and the best part is, my dad drove up Saturday night to hang out with me. His drive up inspired the following quote from me:

Once you get out of Salt Lake and Provo, Utah is like Children of the Corn. For real. I mean, do you want to end up with a broken down car along I-15 out in that abandoned territory? You'd probably get kidnapped by carnivorous polygamists and if they didn't serve you as dinner, they'd make you wear those long skirts and ugly clothes - I'd rather be dinner, myself....

And it's true. This state freaks me out. Frankly, I'm surprised there's as much civilzation here as there is. But in spite of that, my dad ended up here safely and none of us had to worry about being forced to wear suspenders or look in any way amish (Thank you, God!).

On that note, have a happy Fourth of July and watch out for amish-looking people running around in the desert - cuz I promise you, they aren't amish and they're eyeing you to decide if you'd make a nice dinner for their family of 25!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

The Weekly Round-Up

I don't have a real topic for this post - just some random tidbits to tide you over till something fun and embarrassing happens to me again...shouldn't be too long.

I got a call from my high school best friend tonight - she is planning the 10 year reunion for our class and googled me, pulling up my resume and getting my phone number. I'm surprised it's that easy to find me on the internet. But it is - stalkers, take note. Anyway, we had a good conversation - I haven't talked to her since college - we rushed the same sorority and though we were close through our freshman year, we ended up drifting apart as college went on. It's always fun to get a random message from an old friend.

Woo Hoo! Tentative class schedules for the 1Ls (first-year law students) came out today - yea!!! I am taking Criminal Law, Civil Procedure, and Torts first semester - I have no idea what any of that means, but I am flippin' thrilled to be taking them! It's real - I'm really going to law school! Can you believe it? They let people like me go to law school! Oh, and further proof that I was meant to go into the study of the law - I don't have any classes before 10AM. That's what I'm talking about!

As further proof that I am not the only child my mom likes to alienate, Younger Sister #1, she of the grand wedding, has also felt the Wrath of Mom. Younger Sister #1 has decided to hold off on starting classes for her graduate degree until January so that she can ease into the transition of married life without immediately having classes to deal with. Makes sense to me...but my mom bitched at her, saying that if Younger Sister #1 doesn't go back now, she'll never go back. Good grief - my eyes rolled back so far in my head when I heard abotu this that I was afraid they'd get stuck there. Some people (Mom) can never be satisfied.

Younger Sister #2 got a kitten....makes me miss mine so much. When I moved out here, I had to give my cats away...pets are really great - much less mouthy than actual roommates.

Finally, this sunburn has made me realize that I need to take the whole "getting married" thing more seriously. Why? Because I need someone else in my life to rub the aloe into my back when I'm burned - I've tried to do this on my own but there are spots I just can't reach!

Well, there you have it. Tidbits from me. Enjoy.